Muncim, muncim, dar mai si radem

June 2, 2008 · Bagat la America ma-sii! 

Fiind cu treaba peste cap, ca si alte kkaturi casnice, am neglijat sa mai scriu. Vine o vreme in viata oricarui blogher insa, cand se simte dator sa mai scrie una-alta. Asa si eu.
Neavand chef sa ma iau de evenimente curente, sociale sau politice, ofer ceva primit prin email. Deasemenea, scuze prietenilor, cunoscutilor si dusmanilor pe care (doar aparent) i-am abandonat.
Deci:

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt’in me?

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now, whose death do you suppose terminated it?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table, wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh….are you qualified to ask that question?

Si la sfarsit… cea mai buna!

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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Comentarii

6 Comentarii to “Muncim, muncim, dar mai si radem”

  1. WaTzaP on June 3rd, 2008 12:15 am

    doamne cat am ras :) )), e mirifica. adevaru e catrebuia sa apara si un "best of" al salilor de judecata.

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table, wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

    asta a fost super tare :) )),

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  2. Blegoo on June 3rd, 2008 1:04 am

    :) )
    Pe bune daca nu era sa ma scap pe mine de ras... :) )
    Si cand te gandesti ca sunt REALE...

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  3. Mika on June 3rd, 2008 11:22 am

    =)))))))))))))))) au au au auuu....burtaaaaaa :) )))))))))))) l-am citit de 3 ori, si o sa-l mai citesc de cel putin 3 ori si o rad la fel de mult si la fel de tare :) ))))

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  4. dan on June 3rd, 2008 2:07 pm

    inca una veche de la mine apopo de curtea judecatoreasca:

    -Do you speak english ?
    -Yes!
    -Name?
    -Abdul al-Rhazib.
    -Sex?
    -Three to five times a week.
    -No, no...I mean male or female?
    -Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
    -Holy cow!
    -Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
    -But isn't that hostile?
    -Horse style, doggy style, any style!
    -Oh dear!
    -No, no! Deer run too fast...

    :) )

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  5. parsiimpar on June 7th, 2008 1:10 am

    Blegoo, welcome back!
    Si da, ultima e...criminala :) ))

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  6. sorin on June 9th, 2008 8:49 am

    Prea tare ultima parte

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