Citate despre Romania

January 9, 2011 · Bagat la Romania 

Așeaa… deci:

“…Oltenians are a proud and ancient race, descending from Burebista the Hairy’s elves that escaped the Romans. Their intelligence is renowned, as all of them are natural born leaders. This innate ability to rule other people makes them leave their beloved land, as there is no one to lead there, since everyone is a boss. This characteristic also makes them easily recognizable, apart from the leak(praz) smell: if you shout “boss!” on the street, there are 99% chances that the ones who turn their heads are Oltenians. They usually have long necks, so they can see leadership opportunities better, even if the boss job is beyond the mountains…”

CABRAL
“…The only african-romanian tv-star. Very famous, all newspapers are invaded by stories of his romantic/sexual adventures with a very large variety of top-female models and daughters of members of the Parliament. He is best known for starring as a police officer called Balan (Whitey) in a romanian action serial…”

“…he created weapons of mass destruction, Ţuică. Thus, the Democratic Roman Empire was forced to intervene, invading Dacia a few hundred years later, during the noisy reign of Decebal. The Dacians however were not able to defend themselves using Ţuică because by the time the roman army was ready for battle all the Dacians had drank the Ţuică to the last drop…”

“…Another translation of the word Bucovina, if I may say so, is Buc (bottom) + Ovina (the sheep) = buca oii (the bottom of the sheep). The baci, aka ciobani, as my fellow writer stated above, are using the sheep for fur, milk, meat and sex – life at a farm can get really lonely, especially during winter. So buca oii (the bottom of the sheep) is very useful for the health of the ciobani…”

Diplomatic Relations
“…Romania (d) has strong diplomatic relations with Croatia, particularly with the City of Pula. Viewed as a tropical paradise, the City of Pula is regarded as a dream for many romanians. They have a special place in their minds where they go often – this place is named by many “My Pula”. Not surprisingly, expressions like “go into my Pula” (which is a strong praise) or “i’ll take you to Pula” (a great honour) “take my Pula” (sharing of dreams), as also “dute-n mortii matii” (go there at beautiful place ) is not a rare expresion , that meen the Romanian people are friendly with other races/cultures but they words are very often used…”

“…fată – padrugă
băiat – paţan
Războiul stelelor – Gîlşeavî pi şier
lovitura fulgeratoare – pălitura crânșenă…”

Romanian Economy
“…Romanians will sell anything that isn’t nailed down. The Romanian word for business is bishnitza and no self respecting Romanian business man would ever miss a bribe. Literally. Romania is really cold in winter so it’s likely they sell a lot of jackets, stolen from the few visiting foreigners who have a spark of interest in this little corner of the world. Romania doesn’t have a traditional form of currency, the most common method of payment being weed, rubber boots and pig-vomit. The country’s main exports are gypsies and fail…”

“…Banat is a place in Romania where poor people and the government come to steal money from hard working Banatians. Banat is also known as “our faggot city Timisoara” by the Romanians and “Temesvar” by the Hungarians who are always crying about some shit that happened in 1920…”

Economy
“…Moldova exports shitty wine, tobacco, and gypsum, the world’s most racist mineral. They also export misery in the form of child slaves and a miasma of discontent that is vividly encountered by proponents Western Democracy. They are probably better-known for contributing to worldwide memery by exporting the Numa numa song.
Their music industry is slowly but surely taking off. Here is Moldova’s number one pop star Sasha Bognibov and his hit single, “I Love The Girls Of Thirteen Years Old”…”

“…Romanians are so religious that they mainly use the word God or it’s associates (if they don’t use the so popular muie or pula) in everyday life. For instance, let us say that you can’t find your wallet. Then, a ritualistic invocation of God is needed: “Unde pula mea l-am pus?! Futu-i Dumnezeii lui de portofel!!!” (Where could I have put my wallet? God help me find it, so I can introduce it to the pleasures of anal sexual intercourse, please!)…”

“…if one of the pedestrians is a man and he has buried his hands inside his jeans pockets, you could say something like “Bai, scoate mainile din buzunar ca-ti mananca pula unghiile.” which means “Sir, have a great day, thank you for your existance”…”

“…Bucharest is the capital city of Romania. It is famous for being the only city in the world in which the pot-hole area in the roads is actually larger than the total area of all the roads and for being the city with the largest total corruption per square kilometer…”

“…Mint rubbing (from Romanian “a freca menta”) is a botanic art and an ecological science; also a life management technique practiced by millions of people since ancient times…”

Poiezia
“…The romanians consider themselves born poets, as we can see from their saying “Romanu’ s-a nascut poet” (The romanian was born a poet).For example, they often produce(vomita [barf]) things like:
“Într-un pom, un păsăroi cânta
E pula mea, ce pula mea,
Nu-i pula ta, e pula mea.”
Or, even better,
“Poezie, poezie, pula mea e de hartie”
The first one states that a bird, of unknown origins( we think it is a “cioara dracu’”, a crow, adorned by romanians) claims its intelectual property, “pula”, as its own. The second one describes the evolutionary process of the above mentioned “pula” into a more tangibile object, Paper(“hartie”)

“…Articole in engleză despre România…”

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